Well, I didn’t want to do this but, given how many people were talking about what a shit show 2017 was and I saw some edgy posts from some people on FB/Twitter stating that “2017 wasn’t bad, it’s just normal life things people are being babies about” along with pressure from friends, I guess this was an inevitable post.
While I’d love to agree that it’s just normal, 2017 has just been more crap stacked on top of what I can only call a disaster decade for not only myself but my family. I don’t like talking about this stuff because, let’s face it…no one wants to hear about this kind of depressing shit. And, seriously my twitter feed has been filled with people struggling with their own issues, big and small and it’s been comically bad…
We have a disabled family member in our house that we take care of. She cannot take care of herself in anyway, she needs 24/7 monitoring and aid. She can’t talk, she can’t understand, feed herself or anything. She’s got Primary Progressive Aphasia if you’re looking to google what’s going on. It’s really rough on everyone. Thankfully we in the last few years have gotten an aide because before that? Well that’s another story for another rant… But anyway, with her as a focus and living in our ..what was our living room it’s been a bit hard. I’m sorry if this is coming across as incoherent but it’s not a pleasant year to remember.
Over the years we’ve had to limit her access to rooms in the house. She walks all day till she’s medicated and put to bed and this year she’s fallen not once, but twice. Resulting in a hospital visit and …a chipped tooth (weeeee playing with my phobias!) then for the second fall a hospital visit, hair fracture of her wrist and a light cast to help that. So, we’ve literally limited her with gates in the door ways. There’s so many other things that have gone on involving this. I mean I cannot describe to you guys how difficult it is to get someone in this state out of the house nevermind a car. Even with a wheel chair it’s a massive challenge to get her anywhere…especially when I got car sick from both ambulance trips. Thankfully she didn’t break anything leg related because, I cannot stress this enough. She walks, all, day. I think this is common among people with similar mental illnesses but she will not stop walking, sitting down doesn’t last for more than a few minutes at a time. Hell, feeding her dinner is frequently done standing up and when she makes her rounds of the room back to the aide.
Despite all this, she’s …as healthy as she can be. I just have to stress how bad this illness has progressed before someone assumes we’re jailing up someone. We aren’t. Everything done is for her own safety because again, she is incapable of understanding or talking. She’s like a late stage Alzheimers patient …how do I know? When I was a kid I frequently went with her to visit her father who …had late stage Alzheimers. Why don’t we take her to a nursing home? Because in our experience many do not take good care of their patients and we would like to NOT be driven into poverty for that. Speaking of financial weight, we’ve had to change insurance companies two times …why? Hell if I know, we got a notice stating they would not be servicing our county anymore. Okay, cool- thanks guys. Just more stress trying to keep this balancing act going.
Recently I moved rooms so we could try and get her into a room of her own where it’d be easier to keep her safe. Now we’re getting my dad moved into another room so a room can be free’d up and ….it’s taking a while because he’s, understandably, depressed from all this. So I’ve been spending the last few years helping keep her safe and my father sane and helping him with whatever tasks he needs doing to help speed all this along. He’s very depressed, the problem is he doesn’t know how bad he is. What didn’t help is another family member dear to him has gotten cancer and that’s fucked the holidays up and his head up.
Also, as I stated in an earlier blog post, my uncle who was an big art inspiration passed away due to a heart attack. The man who kept a cousin safe, inspired and happy with himself. Also, my best friend’s sister passed due to a drug OD…Seriously, fuck 2017.
To top this off, at least 3 of my friends have been depressed as well through out the year. They’ve all had issues as well that I’m not inclined to discuss….Some are recovering after we’ve talked it out (and their other friends, I sure as hell don’t have the gall to accept credit for these miracles..).
There’s plenty of other shit too, that I do not have the permission or the will to list here. It’s been rough. Not the worst year, I’m not even sure I could discuss that without a glass of booze and a box of tissues…
It’s been mentally exhausting all of this, physically as well at times obviously. I’m still getting used to the new room I’m in, it’s … someone I loved lived here, recently passed away. And, it’s on another floor, so I don’t get the same visits from family as before, though…maybe that’s less the fault of the flight of stairs up here and more the memories in this room and perhaps the weight of the year weighing things down.
I hate to type this shit up, but, I dunno I keep getting told by my friends that getting this off your chest via venting is good and healthy. I’m not sure I feel any better, but, maybe it’s actually good for those of you reading this what goes on behind the scenes? I don’t know if that’s true nor if anyone would even care to read this depressing mess. But, this is what I do…. I am up at night watching a camera to make sure my mom is alright and during the time my dad is around I try and make sure his mental health is as good as it can be.
Other than that, I make the comics and get by with what I can with the small business I run with my brother and the Patreon contributions of my supporters. Thank you to those that support me there, you’re too awesome.
Shit, I know 2017 has been rough for a lot of people out there. My heart goes out to you. I hope that Antares Complex, my stupid Let’s Plays or whatever brought you some joy this year and as well as the future! …I’d also like to apologize for the negative posts in a row. I’ll have something more positive after this. It’s my birthday in a few days so, what could POSSIBLY go wrong? Well judging by how I’ve reminded you all of Bubsy, I’m sure I can expect to be watching my back for hitmen.
In any case, it’s just another set of days but here’s to hoping that 2018 will be better for my family and yours. Again, I promise to try and have something positive to chat about next time. If you’d like to vent in the comments below, feel free. I don’t mind!